🦀 WELCOME TO CRABSWAY // RATED #14 BEST MICROWAVE SEAFOOD IN THE DMV • PRICES ARE AN ABSTRACTION AND NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN PHYSICALLY INTERACT WITH • HEALTH INSPECTION UPDATE: GRADE PENDING ON APPEAL • ATM IS CURRENTLY CASH ONLY // DO NOT TAP ON GLASS, BARNACLE IS RESTING • TODAY'S SPECIAL: 6-INCH IMITATION KRAB SUB WITH RADIATOR STEAM • WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE A CUSTOMER!

CRABS WAY

"When you're here, you're a customer!"
NYC Dept of Health & Hygiene
PENDING
Hearing Scheduled
For Next Tuesday
HOURS OF OPERATION
OPEN 24/7-ISH
Closed when Sal steps out for a smoke
★ Prestigious Accolades & Certifications ★
🏆

#14 Microwave Seafood in the DMV

"Out of a competitive field of 16 registered corner stores."

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Pioneering Price Philosophy

"You can't beat our prices, because prices are an abstraction and not something you can interact with physically."

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Local News Eyewitness Feature

"Segment voluntarily settled out of court prior to broadcast."

⭐

Zagut-Adjacent Review: 4.5/5

"The neon sign buzzed the entire time. Sandwich was warm in the middle. Will return."

TOASTED ON THE RADIATOR UPON REQUEST

The 6-Inch Imitation Krab Sub HOUSE FAVORITE

Radiator-toasted hero, questionable shredded iceberg, heavy warm mayo, seasoned with Old Bay and pure determination.

$4.99 Tax is theoretical

DMV Express Clam Roll EXTRA CHEWY

Deep-fried breading with occasional clam presence. Served with a paper napkin that disintegrates upon physical contact.

$5.75 Card min $15

Ladle-Your-Own Thermos Chowder

Kept in a giant stainless steel thermos by the scratch-offs since 6:00 AM. Ambient temperature. Don't drop the ladle.

$3.50 Bring own spoon

The Bodega Breakfast of Champions

One imitation crab stick on a buttered hard roll, two loose Newports, and a tallboy 99¢ Arizona Iced Tea.

$2.99 Exact change only

Mystery Seafood Slushie

Electric blue slush from the machine that occasionally makes a jackhammer noise. Faint hint of lime and brine.

$1.89 Large cup

Fresh Steamed Atlantic Blue Crab

Caught this morning by an ocean that Sal's cousin refuses to identify.

MKT Market Price
OUT OF STOCK

NOTICE FROM MANAGEMENT: "You can't beat our prices, because prices are an abstraction and not something you can interact with physically. Any attempt to haggle with Sal will result in immediate reassignment to sidewalk sweeping."